I’m 50; 10 things I’ve learned about relationships

This is part 4 of the Things I’ve learned by 50 series.

People first, then things. This applies for money, for time and for priorities. Some of our closest friendships happened because we always prioritise time with them even if it’s not the most convenient time. In the photo below, that was our anniversary but our friend was here in Jhb, unexpectedly for family stuff and we were thrilled that we got to spend time together.
Always be kind. It feels like a trite thing to say but I see a lot of unkindness and it’s unnecessary 99% of the time. So much can be overcome by just being kind. I am personally undone by kindness and always will remember people fondly who showed me kindness.
As far as possible, leave every interaction better than before you arrived.
Smile. Most things in life can be improved by interacting with a person who smiles.
Say hello and exchange a few words with cashiers, tellers, receptionists, people in the queue with you. These micro interactions are what life’s all about and might be the only time someone gets to talk to a fellow human being.

1. Assume positive intent (I know I wrote this in the social media post too; yes, it is that important) and give people the benefit of the doubt.
2. You don’t always have to be the one to stoke the fire of your relationships or be the only one reaching out; do your part anyway.
3. Learn the 5 love languages, enneagram numbers and Tendencies of those closest to you, both family, friends and close work colleagues. This will help you to see things from others’ points of view and help you to improve your interactions.
4. Choose true connection over superficiality. E.g. a 1:1 coffee date is always going to feed your soul more than light chit-chat with a group of friends.
5. Forgive small grievances and be the low-maintenance friend.

Bonus – Sometimes friendships will break down or your friends will ghost you and you will not know why or if you did anything to cause it. This has happened to me before and another friend had to tell me, “sometimes you won’t ever find out the why”.