15 Jan 2024 by 1 Comment

Recap of 2023 word – tend – and my word for 2024

My word for last year was tend and I’m not sure if my searching is accurate but I can’t seem to find a post I felt certain I’d written.

I’ve now checked my blog again and even Instagram – nothing.

I chose the word tend for 2023 because I was entering a season of busy (a senior leadership programme at work on top of my very full job already) and wanted to be sure that I gave attention to the things I needed to – my health, family and very close friends.

It felt at times like I did a terrible job but in fact, when I look back over the months, I realised that I did tend to the most important things. Yes, it could have been better (isn’t this always the case?!) but my word was a reminder to keep focussed and tend the things that mattered for that season.

It worked out because I ended up with my accreditation, passed with distinction and we also received the top syndicate group award.

The second half of the year started with a week-long holiday at the beach to celebrate (I booked this months and months in advance precisely so that we’d have something to look forward to after last exam, etc.). However, things went super crazy at work straight after that holiday and only started easing off mid-December.

Which brings me to how I was feeling.

Broken.

Broken at work – I felt very much that I could do nothing right. I was doing 2.5 jobs and therefore nothing was done in the way I like to work, with no end in sight. Add to that it also felt like I was getting horrible feedback from quite a few people which is really hard for an enneagram 1. Eventually I was saying (in my head) “take a number; I know I’m not getting to things quickly enough” but I couldn’t anymore with the 11pm work end times.

Broken in my family – I blame it all on the twins getting phones but last year was my actual worst year of parenting ever. Even worse than year 1, and I thought that was bad. Of course, phones, new schools, high school are all big adjustments but everyone was fighting all the time, or so it felt. I do not have an obliger or upholder so nothing has ever been easy.

This is also the age at which you stop writing about things to do with your kids and I am still not sure how to navigate this in speaking to… anyone, even friends. With the result that my friendships did not feel nurturing in the way I needed them to do, so that’s feeling broken too. I feel lonely.

Broken in my spirit – I basically feel like I’ve lost my sense of fun and am mostly sad. I cried more last year than I ever did in 2020. It was good that I had “watch more TV” on my #23 in 2023 list because TV did make me happier, as did reading some good books.

Last but not least, broken in my body.

I had a gastroscopy on 1 December 2022 so I was on a course of pantoprozole for GERD and stomach ulcers, and a new fun thing, low iron. I also watch my cholesterol carefully but when I ate “well enough” to control the GERD/ stomach ulcers, it was not a great diet so my cholesterol didn’t dip enough. I won’t bore you with the whole year but while I am finally sorted with my cholesterol, my iron stores are still terrible AND I’ve gained 6 kg. So that is just huge fun.

As my doctor said, it’s really not bad. All my bloods are great (except for the iron stores) and even my ferritin levels are in the normal (if low) range. I know it’s not bad but for someone who was healthy for 48 years, it is a real mindbender to have to monitor how you’re feeling and take actual prescribed medication twice a day.

I said all of that to say I considered happy for my 2024 word, but then I settled on WHOLE.

I want to feel whole again.

Whole – “in an unbroken or undamaged state, in one piece. complete in itself”

I’ve also chosen some supporting words – enough (my 2015 word) happy, brave, vital and strong

What’s your word for 2024? Care to share why you chose that word?

Filed Under: Goals, Intentional living, Personal Tagged With: , ,
24 Jul 2023 by 1 Comment

4 insights on stockpiling toiletries from The Year of Less

 

 

I read a book called The Year of Less by Cait Flanders in August 2018. I’ve just gone to read all my highlights on Goodreads (19 of them!) and now I think I need to re-read the book 😉

But that’s not what I came here to tell you about today.

When I originally read the book, I remember one piece very vividly, the section on stockpiling toiletries.

It completely changed how I think about things now.

Many people (I daresay, 98% of you reading this post) buy extra toiletries when they’re on sale. The sales captivate us all – 3 for the price of 2, the summer/ winter sale, and so on.

In the book, she asks us to consider how long specific items take to use up and how long you really need to keep spares.

Stockpiling is not great for at least 4 reasons:

1. it wastes money

if your money is held up in “stock”, it is not available as cash (remember Accounting in high school?). I prefer to have the cash rather than bottles of shampoo, conditioner or similar. Yes, I’m aware that the prices of things have increased (especially in South Africa due to loadshedding) but I would still rather have cash in the bank than two extra speedsticks in my bathroom vanity.

2. it is clutter 

This one is fairly obvious. Stuff you have and that you need to store because you’re not using is called clutter.

3. waste of product 

if you buy 3 products, they might go old before you can actually use them (this has happened to me once with speedstick deodorants)

4. most of the world lives about 5 minutes from a store

and now… there’s online delivery too. If you run out, I promise you it will be a 5-minute detour to get what you need and for most of us, you will know beforehand that you’re going to run out in a few days.

A personal example

I use Olay day moisturising liquid (with SPF!). One bottle lasts 6 months. Given that there are often sales, it used to be tempting to buy extra but I am no longer tempted. Why? I can tell that I’ll run out within a week or two both because of the weight of the bottle and the fact that I write the date on the bottle with a permanent marker when I start using a new bottle.

But also, it just makes no sense to buy 18 months’ worth of product on a buy 3 for the price of 2 sale. What if they change the formula or make a pretty new bottle or (I don’t think this will happen but…) I want to try something new but I’m stuck using the old stuff for 18 long months.

Upholders love self-imposed rules

  • I will  keep one spare speedstick deodorant in summer because the consequences are immediate if I run out (!)
  • I do buy the 3 for 2 shampoos because 1 bottle of the brand I use lasts me just under 2 months
  • Keeping a travel toiletry bag stocked is not stockpiling because it actually saves me so much time when I travel for work or pleasure. I’m on holiday now and I will have to replenish some items (on my list!) once I get back home.

In the 17 years of writing this blog, I have still not managed to convince people to stop stockpiling toilet paper. I personally don’t get this obsession as in my house, I “budget” on about 5 days per toilet roll per bathroom, so I know how long we can go before stocking up.

My goal is not to change your mind but I do want you to consciously know that:

  • that is actual money in your cupboards
  • money you can never recoup
  • and you’re probably going to take years to go through your backstock 🙂
  • also, you don’t need to take hotel toiletries with you (I only take bottles that I deem perfect in function or form, or if the fragrances are particularly compelling)

Tell me, where are you on the stockpiling spectrum? 

I didn’t want to go there but I will say that a certain very popular Netflix show and Instagram account has made it very appealing to have lots of backstock in clear perspex containers. Why?

Filed Under: Decluttering, Four Tendencies, Intentional living, Mindset, Money and finances, Organising, Outer order inner calm, Time management, Work with Marcia Tagged With: , , , , , , ,
17 Jul 2023 by Leave a Comment

How to break up with your phone by Catherine Price

I read this book during lockdown in 2021 and at the time, I rated it 4.5*. Based on how much the concepts stayed with me and how much I still recommend this book, I have now moved it to a full 5* rating.

How to break up with your phone

I think most people lie to themselves about their phone usage. I used to do the same until I used the Moments app and these days iPhone helpfully sends me the screen stats to shock me every Sunday morning.

Why did I want to read this book?

My phone usage at the time was abysmal. And, as I’ve said before, we could all literally finish a book every four and a half hours if our phone usage was reasonable.

About the book

The book is divided into part 1 – the research, which is very interesting and easy to read – and part 2 – the how to, practical part.

I don’t care too much about the numbers these days because I now recognise after reading this book that most of what I use my phone for are tools like Goodreads, Mail, Camera, etc., but I’d be fooling myself if I didn’t admit that the Instagram dopamine hit is strong.

Did you know that they purposefully update likes and notifications erratically to keep us swiping and checking? Of course, once I found that out, I channelled my inner rebel and consciously don’t do it.

That’s just one of the things she talks about in the book.

If you watched the Social Dilemma on netflix a few years ago, you will recognise a lot of what is said here, but the book is still a solid, 5🌟 read.

Now for the fun!

my iphone screen

Three things that really, really help me:

  1. I can’t help thinking that I would rather have read a book than scroll some random person’s Instagram feed – that definitely helps me to stop the mindless scroll.
  2. Put your screentime widget on your front screen of your phone (see top left of screen above). Every time you pick up your phone and are confronted with your daily usage, you might reconsider what you intended to do. I added this widget in the second week of January this year and my screentime has gone down from 7 hours 11 to somewhere between 3 and 4 hours on average. More importantly, my Instagram usage has radically decreased. Here’s how to do it for Android phones.
  3. Put all your social media apps on page 2 of your phone. If you keep your tools on page 1 of your phone, you’re less likely to go straight to Instagram, Facebook, etc. Facebook is not on my phone and I maybe spend 10 minutes a month there via the web, and it’s all birthday check-ins.

Does your screentime usage bother you? Have you added the widget to your front page yet?

Filed Under: 31 days of enough time, Four Tendencies, Goals, Intentional living, Mindset, Personal, Planning, Reading, Social Media, Time management, Work with Marcia Tagged With: , , , ,
10 Jul 2023 by Leave a Comment

5 (quick and easy) steps to reflect on your half-year review

If you’ve been reading for even just a little time, you’ll know that I’m a big fan of stopping, and pausing to reflect before marching on. It’s because I was not good at this step that I feel like it’s so useful. If you’re thinking “oh, this reflection business is not for me” it’s probably then going to be a very valuable exercise, especially for you.

As we have just finished the half-year, let’s pause and reflect on the first six months of the year. Here are my 5 steps (I change these all the time and if I gave a talk, I’d probably change it again ;)) which I have positioned as questions:

1. Where do I need to give myself grace?

  • Many of us set out at the end of 2022/ beginning of 2023 with a brand new set of goals and intentions that seemed easy at the time because we were hyped up on New Year Energy. I am the same as you! I conveniently forgot that I’m not an outside person and told myself I could go outside almost daily for 23 minutes in 2023. Here’s where I let that notion go.
  • Do you need to give yourself grace and let some things go? Books, TV shows, projects (work or personal)?

2. What is working? What am I happy with?

  • This is the fun part so go wild.
  • Did you get some work projects done? Did you get personal projects done? Did you rest well? Did you watch some good TV? Is your reading in a good place? (I have watched some good TV – On the verge, The Bold Type, Working Moms, Wellmania, etc.)
  • Are you rocking your relationships? (I am rocking my in-person relationships… probably because I’m tired of online everything!)
  • Have you finally adjusted to a new work from office rhythm? (more on this in a blog post but finally, after 5 months in a 3-days-a-week schedule, I can say yes)
  • Have you finally reduced your addiction to the tiny computer in your hand?
  • Are you in a good exercise/ movement routine?

3. What do I still need to do?

  • When you review your list (or make a new list), what is still calling to you to do for this year?
  • How is your health? No joke – I have 5 health appointments to make this month and two that must happen – the pharmacist told me she is only issuing my meds as an “emergency” so I’ve got to go get a repeat script from my doctor in the next 3 weeks. Alrighty then.
  • Do you have some house projects you want to take care of?
  • Do you have some fun things you want to plan to look forward to?

4. What do I want to change?

  • When you consider the last 6 months, what are you not happy about?
  • What needs to change? Is it something you need to speak up about? Schedule the time to do so.

5. What are my in-progress projects?

  • What have you started, made some progress towards but you need to finish it off? Personal projects, work projects, finance projects (I met with my financial adviser in May and she gave me 3 actions – I have done none but I told her I would only action in July or August), health projects?
  • If you have nothing, great! I put this question because many of my projects don’t always start and finish in the same month, as neat as that would be.

If you need some inspiration and guidance to get going, I am here to give you a loving kick in the pants to get you moving again, but you have to take the first step.

Other half-year review posts on the blog

(no surprise to anyone – I didn’t do one in 2020!)

Filed Under: Goals, Intentional living, journalling, Mindset, Planning, Work with Marcia Tagged With: , , , , , ,
6 Jul 2023 by Leave a Comment

My 3 top takeaways from quarter 1 of 2023… updated for quarter 2 too

Originally written in April 2023 and sent to my newsletter list, now updated in July 2023

If you look at my numbers, it appears things are going great. I just checked my spreadsheet and I’m on 11.84 out of 23 for my #23goalsin2023, which is 51%, and we’re only 3  months into the year.

That says two things to me: I am good at getting big things done early (this is true – I always weight my work so that I “eat the frogs” first) and the rest of the year is going to show only incremental change (also true as a lot of my goals are project goals which means a 1/12 increase monthly).

However, let me share some of my favourite insights from the first three months:

1. Leave what’s not working for you

  • I abandoned the tracking of Gretchen’s Go outside 23 in 2023 project (and then on a recent-to-me podcast, I heard another listener say she also considers time in her car travelling to places “outside” time) but I am certainly outside more than 161 minutes a week.
  • I have abandoned three books this year already (great for me!) and I have abandoned some self-imposed, ambitious work projects (on my actual job). That will have to wait for after 30 June 🙂

2. Habits are easy for me to maintain if I schedule them

  • As a true upholder, I’ve embraced the scheduling of good habits.
  • I faithfully book two gym classes a week and attend. My Spanish dance classes happen every Thursday without fail.
  • I book all the days I plan to be at the office. Our hybrid work situation is flexible so “be here any 3 days of the week” I plan the previous week and align my menu planning and gym visits to that schedule.
  • I also take about 30 minutes (I tell myself it’s 23 minutes though, for whimsy!) to do my planning for the week – update diary, book journal, bullet journal and line-a-day diary. This is all scheduled.

3. Some things will just take longer than you think

  • For my work programme, I have now finally embraced the “staying present” and “enjoying the journey” but I’ll tell you – it all takes way longer than I think it should. On the other hand, I do actually think the end-product is better!
  • My health metrics are taking longer to right themselves. I was very disappointed about a month ago when my iron levels had not miraculously fixed themselves (nor had my cholesterol) but a colleague told me that her iron levels took two years to fix. I’m hoping mine happens faster than that but still, apparently health metrics don’t all fix themselves in just a few months.

What were your big takeaways from quarter 1?

For my quarter 2 update, I …

  • am now at 65% of my 23 in 2023 goals (if you think that’s awfully specifc, it’s because I track it with formulae on an actual Excel spreadsheet)
  • I have fully completed my programme and finished well
  • I am on my actual treat holiday for finishing the programme (so glad I booked it as it dragged me through the last two months).
  • I have now finished reading 64 books for the year so I am on track for 100 in 2023
  • I am most behind with all my medical appointments and have to get my bloods drawn and schedule my appointments to see if there is any change. It still feels like a miracle to me that doctors know what’s happening with you just from your blood! (Yes, I am easily awed)

And what are your quarter 2 updates?

Filed Under: Four Tendencies, Goals, Intentional living, Mindset, Personal, Planning, Reading, Time management Tagged With: , , ,
17 Apr 2023 by 1 Comment

Our bathroom renovation – what we would change and what we wouldn’t

A little bit of background:

  • In 2020 Dion and I were planning to go to the US for a holiday to celebrate a big anniversary. We all know what happened and there were no big travel holidays.
  • 2021 didn’t look much better both from a comfort to travel point of view and so I had the bright idea – instead of those savings languishing (!) in our savings account, waiting for better days, why don’t we spend it on something we can enjoy daily, like a new bathroom?
  • This was one of my more inspired ideas as that is exactly what we did. Another inspired idea was to have them do the main demo work while we were on (local) holidays and therefore not bothered by noise and dust (win-win). We did have a full week of people in the house once we returned.

What we would change:

Maybe next time (if there is a next time) we’ll stay away for two weeks because it was challenging for me to work and live in a house with a ton of people also working. On Teams: “hi client, please just ignore the drilling, there’s a bathroom renovation happening”.

I go back and forth on this, and we can still change it – the force of the shower is just pleasant, not super strong. That is a water-saving mechanism and is fine for most of the year but I will admit that in winter, I do sometimes think I need a bigger force shower with lots of hot water blazing down on me.

What we did change

We added more hooks and towel rails and moved the position of the rails within that first week. Compare the top picture to this one.

What we would not change:

  • Everything structural – I love having a big shower and no bath
  • I love our double basins
  • I love that we kept our wall for toilet privacy
  • I love our long wall of cupboards that hide our laundry baskets, cleaning materials and toiletries!

Here are some more pictures:

 

Have you ever had a renovation while you lived in the space?

Did it make you crazy or how did you handle it?

Filed Under: Covid-19, Decluttering, Goals, Intentional living, Mindset, Money and finances, Organising, Personal, Planning Tagged With: , ,
10 Apr 2023 by Leave a Comment

An ode to fun – watch more TV

Some long-time readers will remember that I’ve intentionally included words over the years to help me have more fun in my life – joy in 2016, fun in 2018, play in 2021 and delight in 2022.

This year, as part of my #23in2023 goals, I have a very strange goal for me – watch more TV. Watching a lot of TV is very normal for most people but not for me.

Things I like to watch are design shows like Dream Home Makeover or practical cooking shows like Nadiya’s time to eat, shows about women in my stage of life (Working Moms, On the verge, etc.) and shows with a beautiful visual aesthetic (Grace and Frankie – my true comfort because the writing is perfection, the acting is amazing and it’s gorgeous to look at – the kitchens, the houses, the beach!)

I do not like crime (why, people, why?) or anything dark because I really love that I sleep well and I don’t want that disturbed.

I’m doing excellent on this goal this far – this is what I watched in quarter 1 of 2023:

  • Dead to me (Netflix) – final season
  • Bad Sisters (Apple TV) – episode 1 (I will treat myself to a one-month subscription in July when I’m on holiday and watch the rest of it)
  • On the verge (Netflix) – started last year but I finished everything available
  • The bold type (Netflix)
  • Daisy Jones and the Six (Amazon Prime) – I’d watched half by the end of March and I finished the other half in the first 3 days of April (so that I wouldn’t have to subscribe for another month.

Now, I have some questions for you:

  1. Do you watch a lot of TV?
  2. What do you like to watch?
  3. Given my tastes above, which Netflix or Amazon Prime shows do you recommend?
Filed Under: Goals, Intentional living, Personal, Planning Tagged With: , , , , , , ,
3 Apr 2023 by Leave a Comment

{Goals} Quarterly review – Jan to March 23

And here we are, at the end of the first quarter of the year.

Three months over – just like that!

A summary of just a few high – and lowlights over the last quarter:

  1. I applied for my passport and received it.
  2. I read 31 books, 8 of them 5* reads, which is a great start to my reading year.
  3. I have watched a lot of TV (one of my #23in2023) – finished Dead to me, On the Verge and am now knee-deep in The Bold Type. And of course, I’m also watching Daisy Jones and The Six.
  4. We finally had our solar installation and it has been life-changing. I don’t have to think about loadshedding when I want to go out or concern myself with my laptop holding charge until the power comes on again.
  5. Despite being on iron supplements over the last 3 months, my iron levels have not improved to a degree where I can stop them. I think I thought that 3 months would sort out my iron deficiency but apparently not.
  6. I’ve had a consistent 3 workouts a week since January – two Zumba classes and a Spanish class. We have had a new Spanish teacher this year and it’s been so invigorating for my dancing.
  7. A friend of mine was diagnosed with stage 3 cervical cancer. Everything else pales next to that, doesn’t it? She is a fighter and she’s fighting as much as she is able.

Life is like this, isn’t it? Highs and lows.

Tend is being a good word for me this year – a reminder to take care of my health, family, friends and work.

How was the first quarter of 2023 for you?

How is your word working out?

Filed Under: Intentional living, Money and finances, Personal, Planning, Time management Tagged With: , ,
27 Mar 2023 by Leave a Comment

{Time management} When you’re too busy to sort out urgent things

Did anyone notice that I haven’t posted for weeks? No? That’s okay.

My website (and this blog) has been down for at least a week and a half before I had the time and mental space to book someone to attend to it.

Two interesting facts:

  1. I don’t believe in the phrase “I don’t have time” – exhibit A, my book, 31 days of Enough Time.
  2. It is tremendous growth for me to not “freak out” about a website being down.

With regards to number 2 above, this has happened a couple of times over the last few years. In the before times, I’d immediately book a person to attend to it and would not rest until it was sorted.

This time, I looked at the error, thought I should be able to fix it (I do like the methodical part of playing with a website, and tinkering until things are just right.) but knew I didn’t have either the mental bandwidth or early evening time (trust me when I say you should not mess around with your website if your brain isn’t fully awake – this involves emails to web people that say “help – I messed up!”).

So I just left it until I had time to look at it.

I was able to fix one tiny thing but not the bigger issue so I hired that piece out.

And lo, here I am blogging again.

Time management literature says that fixing the website is a Quadrant 1 activity – important and urgent.

However, my Quadrant 2 activity was tending to my health (sleep, stress management by putting in extra work hours so I could sleep – yes, a circular argument, and exercise) first and then once calm, I could attend to that Quadrant 1 activity.

I shared all that to say this: sometimes the best thing to do is to invest the time necessary to make you feel calm, no matter what that looks like.

Sometimes work colleagues will be adamant in talking to me about shutting off their computers at exactly 5pm. I’m not saying this is wrong but I am questioning whether 30 extra minutes of work might give you a better evening’s rest and certainly, more rejuvenating sleep.

Just a little something to think about.

Are you investing enough time in Quadrant 2 of The Time Matrix?

Filed Under: 15-minute Fridays, 31 days of enough time, Four Tendencies, Goals, Intentional living, Planning, Sleep, Time management Tagged With: , ,
20 Mar 2023 by Leave a Comment

{Mindset} Let’s talk about social inertia

I first heard this term on a podcast during the stage of lockdown when people were just starting to feel safe about venturing out again.

I think it even might have been on the Happier podcast.

However, if you google, you won’t find the same meaning as the one I want to discuss today.

The podcast hosts described social inertia as follows: we all got used to staying indoors because we had to. Things then opened up again but now we all have a certain reluctance to venture out because we became used to not connecting in person.

Our inertia leans to not do things socially.

I often wonder about this as an extrovert.

I remember telling my father early during lockdown that I am literally the only person in my house going stir crazy from cabin fever.

And yet, I also have a form of social inertia. I enjoy being with people, I am energised when I’m out and about, but I also am not my pre-pandemic social self.

It’s probably a little normal but I also think like this now: well, if they wanted to get together, it is not all on me to initiate and make arrangements. It’s a little tough for my enneagram 1 self, I will admit.

I left a friend a voice message recently for her birthday and I said my usual thing, “when are you free? let’s get together” and then I realised afterwards that I’ve been saying the same thing for awhile and felt guilty. Straight on the heels of that guilt, I reminded myself that the phone (and arrangements) work both ways. This is unheard of for me.

How about you? Do you have social inertia? Or did you spring right back into all the plans and arrangements and socials with friends, colleagues and family?

 

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