{Mindset} Let’s talk about social inertia

I first heard this term on a podcast during the stage of lockdown when people were just starting to feel safe about venturing out again.

I think it even might have been on the Happier podcast.

However, if you google, you won’t find the same meaning as the one I want to discuss today.

The podcast hosts described social inertia as follows: we all got used to staying indoors because we had to. Things then opened up again but now we all have a certain reluctance to venture out because we became used to not connecting in person.

Our inertia leans to not do things socially.

I often wonder about this as an extrovert.

I remember telling my father early during lockdown that I am literally the only person in my house going stir crazy from cabin fever.

And yet, I also have a form of social inertia. I enjoy being with people, I am energised when I’m out and about, but I also am not my pre-pandemic social self.

It’s probably a little normal but I also think like this now: well, if they wanted to get together, it is not all on me to initiate and make arrangements. It’s a little tough for my enneagram 1 self, I will admit.

I left a friend a voice message recently for her birthday and I said my usual thing, “when are you free? let’s get together” and then I realised afterwards that I’ve been saying the same thing for awhile and felt guilty. Straight on the heels of that guilt, I reminded myself that the phone (and arrangements) work both ways. This is unheard of for me.

How about you? Do you have social inertia? Or did you spring right back into all the plans and arrangements and socials with friends, colleagues and family?

 

A February recap of goals and letting things go

This month I thought I’d give you an update on my 23 goals in 2023 and talk about a project I am letting go.

#23goalsin2023

I think a good goals list has a mix of things you can do quickly, things that are a bit of a stretch and things that you need to continually do.

My 23 in 2023 list is exactly this and while I was only able to cross one thing off in January (7. Listen to one month of Let’s Read the Gospels podcast), I crossed off three in Feb and let one go.

This month’s wins

  1. I applied for and received my passport all in the same month. I’d heard that it takes 6 – 8 weeks but I received a text message 5 days later, which is beyond excellent.
  2. I have also now figured out a good laundry schedule (it is helped greatly when the sun shines!) and tested it for a whole extra month.
  3. I have also set up deep cleaning days and a schedule for what happens then. I booked an extra cleaning day! While it feels luxurious, I realised that I really like a clean house and I’d rather go without other things to have this extra help in place.  

Solar is not yet installed but I have followed-up; they have my application and I am on the waiting list. So exciting with us on stage 6 loadshedding.

What about that project I abandoned?

I had on my list to do #Gooutside23in2023 80% of the time.

Did you know that I hate being outside? The only time I like it is in winter, autumn when it’s cold, straight after it rains and when I’m at the beach. My body does not like the sun (heat headaches mentioned above) and mosquitoes love me. As I type this, I have mosquito welts all over my body from the days of heat we’ve been having.

So why would I put something like this on my list? Because I got caught up in New Year madness, that’s why.

I would love to be a person who likes being outdoors but I’m very much indoorsy.

However, I calculated that 3 days in office every week plus Zumba on Saturdays and church on Sundays equals 5 out of 7 days I get out of the house. 71% of the time will just have to do… and I’m no longer tracking it.

Do you need to abandon a project? Not that you need it, but here is your permission slip.

What were the month’s hits and misses for you in February?

15-minute Fridays: clean out your handbag

This is meant to be a quick but satisfying organising task.

I open my handbag and tip it all out on the bed.

  • I then go through each of my “mini” bags – make-up bag, wallet and “odds and ends” bag.
  • I replenish anything (e.g. Panado, tissues, hand cream, lip balm, etc.) and return items like my extra ponytail holder to their place (the “odds and ends” bag).
  • I toss receipts (I toss the credit card slip unless I need to keep it for an expense claim, and keep the actual receipt of what I spent).
  • I remove nail polish if I’ve changed colours. I return a lipstick to my bathroom if I only needed it with me for an evening update.

I do switch out my handbag often (weekly or even more frequently) so I’ll probably then repack the few things into a new colour bag for the week.

Tell me about all the fun things you found in your handbag.

I still use a paper diary. Here’s the 2023 one.

I’ve written many, many times before about how it’s important to know what works for you in terms of planning.

My perfect diary is a weekly format, preferably some space for other notes too and enough space horizontally.

I’ve used the same type of diary as I’m using this year before – in 2018 and 2020. I like that I can zip up a pen or thin bullet journal inside and nothing falls out.

Let me show you more:

This is the monthly goals and planning page – goals, to-dos, birthdays and other important dates.
This is the monthly overview – I LOVE this page because there’s space for plenty of tracking – I track work from office days, exercise days as well as actual events.
This is the weekly view. I use the top section for events and the bottom for any specific daily to-dos. I write my weekly goals in the bottom left section (Priorities) and my weekend to-dos in the notes for the week section.

Here’s the key: I take some time every Sunday afternoon/ evening to update my diary for the week ahead so that this tool is truly useful and not just lovely to look at.

Do you use a paper or digital planner/ diary? When do you update it?

January 2023 goals and word wrap-up

I thought it would be fun to bring in a monthly goals review component to the blog in the hopes that something I say might inspire you to keep on, or shift something in you to spur you on.

Gretchen recommends putting a variety of goals on your list – some once-off items, some bigger items and some things that are more project-based that will last the whole year.

I wrote down my 23 goals late last year/ early this year and as at the end of January, I have now completed 1 – keep up with one month of Let’s Read the Gospels, a daily Bible podcast by Annie F Downs.

It was an easy goal to achieve – I simply subscribed to the podcast so it popped into my feed every day. I do have a habit of listening while I prepare supper/ get ready for the day (after my 20 minutes of non-fiction is done) and it was actually lovely to listen to her reading the gospels to me.

Fun fact – I have continued listening although I am looking for a full Bible podcast (maybe the New Testament to start). I tried out several that popped up in my podcast feed but they all felt too… boring.

What about my word, tend?

January has been all about setting up systems for me – systems for good work, systems for good health and systems for home and relationships.

I feel like the tending is not very sexy at the moment, but it is necessary so I can stay the long haul tending to everything I need to.

So far, so good.

And overall January goals?

I set 23 goals and ended up with 83,5% done. Overall, a really good month.

Tell me, how was January as far as goals and your word?

If you would like to have a 1:1 60-minute goals session, contact me for available times.

3 things that are working for me these days

(and by these days I mean January!)

This list could change next month but this is what’s working for me at the moment. I’m fully back at work – this month we’re in the office two out of five days a week, the kids have both had their first week at high school (and were exhausted!), we are adjusting to them having phones and we are dealing with constant (stage 4 – 6) loadshedding.

1. Getting inspiration for meals by actually walking around the supermarket
I go through periods of severe non-inspiration where I cannot even think what I’d like to eat, let alone cook. I am also someone who needs lots of variety in their meals. Add to that the fact that I don’t do the food shopping and Dion online shops all the time.  

I read a book last year, Creative You, which talks about creativity and your MBTI type. I get creative energy as an ESTJ by experiencing the world around me by touching, seeing, smelling, etc. I need to remember this and schedule food shopping dates maybe once a month. I’ve been hot (we have had weather in the 30s C) and with loadshedding, I just have felt so uninspired. The book is excellent for many other reasons and I highly recommend it!

Yesterday though we went for a quick vegetable shop and just strolling around the supermarket (in the blessed aircon!) for 20 minutes inspired me so. I returned home and made a menu plan. It felt so easy!


2. Having a weekly 30-minute power hour to update my lists
I used to schedule a weekly planning session and somehow that has fallen by the way sometime during the last two or so years.

But I’m bringing it back (I might do 23 minutes just to be whimsical). This block of time is to update any books I’ve read in my book bullet journal, update my diary, check on my goals, and update my line-a-day journal.

I find Sunday afternoons work best for this, just before the supper/ getting ready for the week rush, because after supper, I want to peacefully read.

3. Accountability for exercise
I’d got out of the habit of going to my Wednesday evening Zumba class around September/ October. I didn’t enjoy the class as much as I used to and then I was too busy to look for another one.

Well, there’s one thing loadshedding’s good for – my gym opened up memberships to all clubs even if your membership is only at a specific location.

When I found out, I contacted my old Zumba instructor, checked logistics, and told her I’d be in her class on Wednesday evening, and I was.

It was so good and afterwards, I told her that I’d be there every Wednesday as long as this loadshedding lasts.

What’s working for you these days?

How I did on my 2022 goals

As I do every year, I set some goals for 2022. I used Gretchen’s printable, My 22 for 22 List.

Some items were once-off (apply for high schools), some were project-based (read 100 books) and some were continual (Project Life monthly).

I really like having a mix of different types of goals so that they all don’t feel insurmountable at the same time.

So how did I do?

I got 13 done completely, 3 not done at all, and 7 partially done. With about a month since I last looked at the list, I think I was maybe too hard on myself with those 7 partially done because if I were coaching someone else, I’d consider some of them done because one of those partially done goals was at 95%, one at 62% and one at 50%. Oh well – honesty!

Still, not bad in a year that was really not the best at all.

One of the items I’m particularly happy about is getting my will done! It took 5 months of thinking, drafting, redrafting, conversations (so many conversations!), and then we finally had a final copy for signature which was done in December. Yay!

I want to talk separately about my “success” with reading because I really feel like I’ve set up good rhythms and routines that I can rely comfortably on. With almost no effort, I can get through 8 books a month. I mention it here because the one consistent thing many people talk to me about is that they want to read more, and… I can definitely help you with that.

How did you do with your 2022 goals? Can you even remember what you put on your list?

PS Gretchen’s 23 for 2023 list is here

How I did on my Project Upgrade for 2022

Unlike #rest22in2022, Project Upgrade was a huge success.

I just read the first paragraph of my post where I told you about it and it is literally the opposite of what rest was for me… and maybe that’s why it worked so well.

If you’ve hung around here for awhile, you know I love a project. I don’t know what it is but I think it’s that I like something with clearly-defined rules, and a very clear start and end date.

Remember it all started with a hotel facecloth from a hotel… and morphed into a big list of 22 items. As is always the case with these kinds of lists, some things were not as important but other things had to be added onto the list that I couldn’t have anticipated.

Things that didn’t get done

  • we were just about ready to sort out the pool and then our city announced water restrictions so we couldn’t go ahead
  • I still don’t have the big pot I mentioned in that original post (I still want one and welcome your ideas)
  • I have started to simplify our luggage (kids are sorted) but mine could use an upgrade 😉
  • I don’t need a standing desk anymore as we’re in the office so much but I did buy two laptop raisers – one for work and one for home

Good things done that were not on the original list

  • got 4 new tyres
  • got some plumbing sorted out (much, much bigger job that spanned two months)
  • we had to replace a section of our boundary wall
  • I replaced two phone screens
  • I bought a lovely, new laptop bag and handbag (and mouse pad) with some of my bonus
  • I bought new glasses (not covered by medical aid!)
  • I loved the upholstery so much I went wild and did two more chairs and an additional couch

All in all, I still did more than 22 things so this was a big, big success for me.

You’ll not be surprised that I’ve already made a smaller Project Upgrade list for 2023. One of the big items is getting solar panels installed which will solve so many problems in this land of loadshedding and power outages.

Feedback to follow at the end of the quarter 🙂

Do you need to make a Project Upgrade list for 2023? Or maybe a few items on your 23 goals in 2023 should be matters of upgrade?

Rest 22 in 2022 – my update

Last year Gretchen Rubin‘s challenge for her podcast listeners was to #rest22in2022.

rest 22 in 2022

Here’s my introductory post and how I thought it would go… and then here’s where I was assessing things after the first quarter. When I read those two posts I realise that 1) I really tried to be intentional about it and 2) keep evaluating what was working and what wasn’t.

Still, it was my worst project to date 😉 and I gave up on it properly during the first week of May. For the rest of the year, I used the tracker to track my workouts so that I didn’t waste the paper!

Why was it so hard for me? Surely, as an upholder, I should have just scheduled my rest and got on with it.

Well, one of my coaching clients pointed something out to me – the idea of rest was too nebulous for me. Exactly right! I couldn’t quite get a handle on what it looked like for me and, if you’ve come on the Four Tendencies course/ had a coaching session with me, you know that upholders need clarity.

I didn’t have clarity.

When I decided to finally abandon the project, I told myself that I am sleeping well, I read daily and I do enough “restful” activities like spending time taking photos, connecting with friends, etc. and that will just have to do for rest. But no more tracking.

And so I could release the idea of doing #rest22in2022.

Tell me, because I know many of you are experts at resting, how did the year of rest work for you?

{goals} It’s time to reflect on 2022 and reset for 2023

In November 2018 I tried a new thing. I wanted to create a habit of writing every day and I thought I’d kick off my end-of-year reflections as part of that writing project. It worked really, really well. In just 15 minutes a day, I did my entire reflection of the year.

The best part of it all was that it was well before my usual time for reflection, the week after Christmas. This meant that I was calm, peaceful and in the right frame of mind to enjoy my holidays and look forward to the new year.

I loved that so much I repeated it every year with similar success.

I’m doing the same thing this year with my 2022 reflection. I’m also offering a bunch of people the same process via 1:1 coaching sessions and I would love you to join me for one of those sessions.

During our time together, we’re going to reflect on the year that’s (nearly) passed, get real about our season of life, explore our values and core desired feelings, and then when we’re connected to our purpose, we’re going to set some very loose goals for the next 3 months. I’m also going to teach you exactly what to do when you face obstacles (like Covid did with all of us the last few years) and how to still set yourself up for success, whatever that looks like for you.

Here are the details:

  • $75/ R1000 for a 75-minute session
  • Decide if you prefer a weekday or weekend session and email me.
  • I’ll send you all available session times for a week or two, a Paypal invoice, Gmail invitation with a Teams link and the handbook.
  • You’ll send me your prep at least a day beforehand (so I can prepare) and we’ll meet to discuss and have an amazing session.

If you start your reflection early, you can relax and enjoy your Christmas/ New Year celebrations, knowing that you’re already set for 2023. This is the part I’m most looking forward to – the having it done and being able to relax and enjoy the festive season, no matter what that looks like.

My goal for this time together is that each person leaves our session with gratitude, clarity and hope for the year ahead.

Email me and I’ll book your place.

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