permission

I like to give myself a pep talk every year and I thought I’d share some of those thoughts with you too.

This is my 10th Mother’s Day and I’ll be completely honest with you – I have not had 9 fantastic Mother’s Days because I expected Dion to be a mind-reader.

Here’s a post I wrote when my twins were just under two.

I want you to have a great day, so here are 5 things I’d like you to consider in the days leading up to Mother’s Day:

Get clear on your expectations

If you don’t know exactly what a good day looks like for you, think about it and get clear on exactly what you need/ want.

When my kids were young, there were a couple of years when I just wanted a 3-hour nap in the afternoon. No, it’s not selfish to ask for some time to sleep.

2. What are your love languages?

If you’re not sure, have a look at www.5lovelanguages.com and take the quiz. If you want to delve into the Love Languages some more, and you’re local, join me for a workshop on 7 September. Register and book your place now. If you’re not local, contact me for a Skype session.

If you think about your love languages, you’ll get a very good idea of what will satisfy you. My love languages are acts of service and words of affirmation, so I like tea in bed (so I can read for 30 minutes) and cards from the kids. And, of course, a clean kitchen once I get up. This year, I’ve asked them to come on a photo walk with me.

3. Ask for what you want

Your husband and kids are not mind readers. If you don’t ask them for what you want, don’t be surprised if you feel resentful during the day.

Some will say, “how boring to be so explicit”. That may well be but better boring and content, than surprised and resentful.

This might also be a good time to say what you don’t want. I said to my husband to please not buy me more pyjamas – I love pyjamas but all mine are still good 🙂

4. Lower your expectations

I know I just said to ask for what you want, but still, lower your expectations. If you usually decorate the tea tray and make it beautiful, don’t expect that level of detail from your family.

Same with gifts – it will not be wrapped like you do, so relax about the details.

And last, but definitely not least…

5. Stay off social media on the actual day

Facebook and Instagram are good for many things but one thing they’re not good for are these sorts of holidays.

You don’t even like perfume but I promise you’ll get jealous of someone else’s perfume, etc. And don’t get me started on the “to my wonderful husband” posts 😉

So… remember, stay off social media and you’ll be much happier.

Which tip resonated most with you?

Also, do share your love language(s) with me in the comments below.

Credit: Photos in this post were taken by Jeanette Verster in 2011 🙂

You have my permission to relax

Last year was not the best Mother’s Day (even though it was my first) as I was sleep deprived and the babies were still such a lot of work.

I know nobody talks about the hard times but hey, that’s what you come here for, right? Honesty 🙂

Anyway, so this year I was determined to have a much better day.

I did a couple of things that worked really well and when I was reflecting on them, I thought this might resonate with a couple of you too, so here goes:

I made my expectations clear and didn’t expect my husband to read my mind

He asked what I wanted and I told him “small and practical gifts, one from you and one from the babies, plus some me time”

I gave myself permission to take the me time

I realised after I asked for the “me time” that nobody had ever prevented me from taking it.

Least of all him.

It’s me who runs around cleaning the house and doing, doing, doing when I could easily stop and take a rest while the babies nap.

It’s cold in Jhb now and last week I realised that I needed some more long-sleeved t-shirts as I was still wearing 3 from when I was pregnant in the early stages, and another 2 from when I was huge.

Not a good look!

So off I went on Saturday morning for a solo shopping trip. One hour, R550 later and I was recharged.

On Sunday morning after we fed the kids, I jumped back into bed and had my breakfast. I chose to read for about 45 minutes.

Late afternoon when they were having their 2nd nap, I had another read.

It was heavenly.

But I realised that I need to give myself permission more often to do “nothing”. To relax.

How about you?

Are you also go, go, go? Do you need to give yourself permission to relax too?