Technology and your Tendency – part 2 (personal)

Technology in my personal life

I find that these days my behaviour seems “strange” or “weird” in such a highly connected world.

You see, I check Whatsapp, texts and personal emails when I want to, which is not all the time. And it seems to me that many other people respond to everything as it comes in.

I disable all notifications because I don’t want to be distracted from the task or activity at hand. This includes Instagram, Facebook is off my phone, and of course, Whatsapp, texts and email.

I don’t even keep the ringer on my phone on unless I expect a call, like if I’m expecting a delivery at home or a client to arrive. My Fitbit Flex2 vibrates when there’s an incoming call and yes, I do think about whether I want to answer or not 🙂

In South Africa, most people pay much more for texts than they do for Whatsapp, so 99.9% of people use whatsapp over texts. I get 300 texts free on my phone plan and so I try texting as much as possible. However, I never expect people to respond quickly unless something is truly urgent,  e.g. we’re meeting and you’re going to be late, or we’re meeting and the restaurant has closed (this has happened far too many times!) Interestingly, my nanny doesn’t get free texts so I text, she responds on Whatsapp, and so we go on our merry way 🙂

I find typing on a smart phone very cumbersome so my preference is to never do it 🙂 but when I do, I prefer short messages.

I love Whatsapp for groups. We have a book club group, a Bible reading group and one of my kids’ teachers has set up a group for their class notices. What I don’t love about Whatsapp is that feeling of being checked up on with the ticks going blue (this is something I only found out about in the last couple of months!). I then added a note to my profile saying I only check Whatsapp once a day, and to call if something is urgent.

On another note, I sometimes have friends email me to say “I sent you messages on Whatsapp but I see you haven’t read them” 🙂

That’s correct. I check my phone quickly once I arrive at work as an hour has elapsed… and then my phone goes back in my bag 🙂

On another note, I have in the past responded quickly to a message, and the friend was upset that my response wasn’t considered enough…that is exactly why I like to wait and take my time, and why I can’t respond when I’m at work. I will often think, “do people actually work at work?” Maybe I’m old-school but I don’t feel it fair to my employer to be on my phone when I’m supposed to be working 🙂

With email, I read them morning, noon and night but I only respond when I’m at a real keyboard so that I know I can type a proper response.

Image result for four tendencies picture

How the Four Tendencies plays into all of this technology

The Four Tendencies talks to how we respond to expectations, both inner and outer, which is perfect for this discussion.

Obligers

I asked Sarah in the instagram post if she was an Obliger since she felt pressure to respond to messages. She clarified that once she understood that texts didn’t necessarily mean she had to respond quickly and could treat them as email, they were now on her agenda and, as an Upholder, she’s much happier since. Awesome.

If you’re an Obliger, my guess is you’re the one quickly responding to texts/ whatsapps/ emails, etc.

Upholders

As I explained in way too many words above and in the previous post, I decided what role technology plays in my life (inner expectations), have told all friends/ family/ clients (outer expectations) and so I manage it all very nicely (in my view).

Upholders need clarity about a situation (usually inner) and then they’re good at following through.

Questioners

Questioners respond to inner and outer expectations as long as it makes sense for them to do so.

I would imagine that if a Questioner had to set up their technology boundaries, there would be a lot of why and who said so in their reasoning.

I checked my thinking with a Questioner colleague and she pretty much confirmed that she has (internal) rules for all technology and basically questions everything. Who said I need to respond to text messages? So she never responds to texts (that was news to me so I won’t be texting her :)) She doesn’t think Facebook is useful so has a profile but never goes there and loves Instagram for a few reasons so uses that extensively. She loves an empty inbox so works hard to keep it manageable all the time.

Rebels

Rebels reject both inner and outer expectations. I know they don’t like anyone or anything to be the boss of them, so they need to decide how they identify and then they will do accordingly.

Amanda, a Rebel, told me something interesting. Being good at her job is something she’s internalised so she’s great at email, keeping track of projects, and phone calls that are urgent. Please notice she decided this is who she is so it’s easy for her to manage.

I love what she told me about her personal life. She’s good at making meeting times, etc. Usually she plans to get back to emails and phone calls when she feels like it, but it takes a while, if ever, to feel like it. Brilliant! She feels like it more when the people are people she’s close to or care about. Again, she’s decided who the important people are, and those expectations she has no trouble meeting in a reasonable timeframe.

Thank you so much, Amanda, for emailing me.

And last but not least, there were some questions on the podcast:

Does a text imply urgency? (Well, as an Upholder leaning to Questioner, I do question if it actually is urgent first, but generally, it doesn’t imply urgency to me.)

Do you ever let your mind wander anymore? (I do, in my Barre180 class and when I go walking by myself or with the kids. When I shower, cook, clean or organise, I listen to podcasts and when I drive to work, I listen to audiobooks or podcasts)

Which social media fits your life best ( . . . or worst?) I love Instagram the most because it’s visual (I’m highly visual), I can say as little or as much as I want. I also find it to be a very positive environment.

Where is your mental white space? I like to think that I’ve designed a life where I have enough mental white space in my regular life. I only ever feel overwhelmed about once or twice a year, and that’s usually during very busy times at work.

Tell me what you think.

What role does technology play in your personal life? And if you haven’t mentioned it yet, what is your tendency?

Technology and your Tendency – part 1 (work)

I follow a podcast, Best of Both Worlds, that I recommend especially if you’re a full-time working mother who works at a workplace, not at home. Let’s face it – most podcasts (or most that I listen to) are hosted by either SAHMs or WAHMs whose time is a lot more flexible.

Sarah wanted a podcast that more represented her life so she started one (very Upholder-ish) with Laura.

On this episode, they discuss the role of technology in their lives and ask some really great questions, both on Instagram and in the blog post:

My technology philosophy

  1. I’m a big Dr Phil fan (even though I last watched an episode when I was on maternity leave 8 years ago!) and because I believe that “you teach others how to treat you”, I believe that you need to communicate your preferences to the outside world.
  2. I also believe that if you respect your time, so will others. The reverse is also true. If you don’t respect your own time, why would others respect yours? If you’ve heard me speak, no doubt I’ve said this during my talk 🙂
  3. Design your life around priorities, and then let the other bits fill up your time. No surprise here.
  4. Technology is a tool so to my mind, that means I am still the master. I love technology – I love that I can FaceTime my friend in Dallas at the start of her day and the end of mine, and I love Whatsapp Audio for podcast club.

Technology at work

I work in a highly email culture. Even if I talk to a client about something, I have to follow it up with an email, and then save that email in a client folder on a shared drive.

This is life in a highly regulated industry and doesn’t bother me at all.

I don’t feel the need to have my work emails come through to my phone unless I’m at a seminar/ client meeting and therefore out of the office for more than say, two hours at a time.

Once I’m back in the office, I turn off those emails.

Then, when my out of office assistant is turned on, I specify that if something is urgent, to call or text me.

(to date, I’ve had maybe 10 messages and I’ve worked at this company for over 3 years)

I don’t mind texts/ Whatsapps from clients if I’m away from the office but as a means to chase up an email, I simply don’t respond. I will then respond to the client’s email in the usual manner (and I don’t even reference the Whatsapp).

Can you tell that I’m an Upholder yet? 🙂

I have a Questioner colleague who blocks clients once they whatsapp her. As she said to me, why would they want to do that if our official communication method is email or phone?

I will take work calls from 7:30 ish to about 6 – 6:30 if I know we’re working on something urgent. Otherwise I just don’t answer my phone.

I am very reliable, hardworking, etc. and very prompt so it’s never necessary to chase me up, and I think I’ve trained my clients to expect that I will get back to them as soon as I can.

I don’t make friends with people I work with on Facebook. I had some very inappropriate comments made about my Facebook activity many years ago by a work person so that’s it – I blocked, unfriended and unfollowed this person.

What is the role of technology in your life? How do you relate to it in a work context? And how do you see this linking up with your Tendency?

I love to talk about this stuff – please ask questions in the comments!

Part 2 will be published next week – if you know your tendency and especially if you’re a Rebel or a Questioner, please email me and tell me everything, if you’re so inclined. It will really help me flesh out my next post.

What I learned when I had no internet

My internet service provider gave notice to all its customers and, long story short, we went with a new one but cancelled during the cooling-off period due to terrible service. Signed up with another and we have wifi again 🙂

During this time, I could use data on my phone but it’s so, so expensive that I tried not to revert to my phone and just do without.

I learned so many things during the month:

  1. I slept a lot more. My average sleep time for September is 7 hrs 46 vs 7 hours 25 for August.
  2. Life was very quiet on the friendship front too. I realised I make quite a few whatsapp audio calls and also couldn’t Facetime with a friend I normally have a monthly date with.
  3. I read a lot more than I usually do. I read 13 books in September. My average is 10 books a month, but in August I only read 8.
  4. I got a lot of organising done in the house – my wardrobes, kids’ wardrobes, kitchen cupboards, etc. And much pottering!
  5. The photos were completely up to date. Absolutely up to date. I don’t think I’ve ever been that up to date before 🙂
  6. I learned that my cell phone provider offers a free Instagram day every 6 days, and free Facebook every 6 days too. Those were the days I scrolled a lot, and on other days I used data to get on Instagram to post, and then I got off.
  7. I downloaded podcasts at work to listen to in the car.

Of course, I’ve made up for all that non-wifi time but I’m very conscious now that when I choose to scroll Instagram, I’m choosing not to go for a walk, read, sleep or get stuff done on my list.

Have you had a period of non-internet time? What did you get done during that time?

Have you considered going phone-free every week or month?

PS I heard on a podcast about Andrea Lucado (Max Lucado’s daughter) who takes the weekend off social media every week. It feels quite radical and strangely freeing too 🙂

PPS there’s another person (whose name escapes me) who takes the last week of every month off!

Does the thought of going offline feel freeing or terrifying?

 

Mental nourishment in the form of unplugging

My year of happy project is nourish, and for me, a huge part of nourish is making sure you’re in a place where you feel mentally and emotionally nourished.

Today let’s talk about social media 🙂

If you’re on any of the social media platforms, you’ll regularly hear your friends/ followers mention that the noise is too much.

The social media noise, that is.

We’re all aware of Facebook envy, where you imagine that people’s lives are the sum total of their updates, because nobody posts about the flip side of the coin, real life.

Instagram has made it a little worse for some people, I’d imagine, with beautiful pictures of families, homes, baking, and so on.

I remember when we went on a beach holiday, scrolling through my phone pictures, I’d see both Instagram-worthy photos (the beach…) and also the moments between Instagrams, like time outs and laundry day craziness.

The truth is I’ve never really felt like I needed to unplug because I try to live life on my own terms and not compare myself to others… and I feel relatively well balanced.

You see, I set up some boundaries for myself years ago which are now very firmly entrenched habits:

  1. I like to be more of a contributor than a consumer on social media. If I’m on a particular site, it’s first to contribute (post, photo, etc.) and then to consume (check other people’s pretty pics and status updates).
  2. I also use social media to connect with people. So if I scroll through my feed and see something I enjoy, whether a post or a photo, I’m probably going to comment or “like” that snippet. I want people to know I’m reading, watching and enjoying catching up with them, no matter how superficial.
  3. And of course, being a time management coach, I do have very firm time boundaries for myself.

Also, very old-fashioned of me, but I actually still use Pinterest for my original reasons, storing bookmarks and websites I may want to reference again, and of late, as a search engine for pretty things.

I have, in the past, prayed and felt like I couldn’t hear very well because my brain felt too cluttered.

I sensed then that I should take a bit of a social media fast to clear my head a bit.

Since I didn’t feel that it was completely necessary to not have any involvement, I did a “light version”:

  • I blogged in advance for the week ahead.
  • No internet at night after supper. Night times were now reserved for cooking, husband and kids, gym, photos, prayer and Bible reading and other projects… like the good old days!
  • When I’m at work, I only read blogs while eating my lunch so if I could only read and comment on three blogs during that time, then so be it.

What were the results?

  1. I got a ton of things done around the house.
  2. I heard a lot from God – I journalled too so I wouldn’t forget it all.
  3. I felt calmer and more peaceful.
  4. There was more time so I slept more during that week. My usual was 7 hours back then and I was getting in 7.5 – 8 hours daily.
  5. Of course my Feedly had about 200 items in it (I was subscribed to about 75 blogs) and I unsubscribed from a few feeds, the ones where I wasn’t even slightly tempted to do some catch-up reading.

I still don’t think I’ll do it very often but I think I’m sold on doing at least a quarterly social media fast.

What about you?

How do you think this could benefit your life?

Is it time to do a social media fast?

 

PS I’ve even heard of someone who does one every weekend, and another who does a week once a month. If you’d like to chat about getting help with your own time boundaries, contact me.

Create, connect and then consume

At the beginning of this year when I was working through my Amazing Life workbook, I wrote down some habits I either have or want to have in my life.

One of those is a habit I’m trying to form which is easier said than done some times but works very well for me at other times.

That habit is to create before I consume… on social media.

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See, the thing is when I grab my phone in the morning to switch off my alarm, I could scroll through Instagram mindlessly for a long time.

Now, if I want to go on Instagram, I have started disciplining myself to first create my own post (or posts) and then to scroll, like and comment on others’ posts.

It helps me feel like I’m adding to the conversation and not just being a voyeur. There’s nothing wrong with just scrolling but Instagram has changed its algorithms so people will start/ have started seeing only the posts of people they engage with.

What does this mean?

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If you like or comment on feeds, those are the ones that pop up first.

I would never ask people to turn on notifications for my posts. First, because it’s inauthentic (I have not turned on notifications for anyone else and I don’t intend to do so) and second, red numbers of things to check just don’t work for me. Unread emails are the only things that bug me – whatsapps, messages, phone calls all just look… interesting. But I’m not curious like I am with emails.

I haven’t noticed too much different in my feed yet probably because I’m doing exactly the same as I was before. I’m on less – that’s why I’m reading so many books every month – 7, 7 and 10 so far this year.

I now see Instagram as a party and if I see people in the 5 minutes I’m there, great. Let’s chat and connect. If I’ve missed you, hopefully I’ll see you next time. But if you’ve left me a voicemail, I’ll definitely contact you and chat back 🙂

Do you have social media intentions, boundaries or policies for yourself? Please share!

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