Technology in my personal life
I find that these days my behaviour seems “strange” or “weird” in such a highly connected world.
You see, I check Whatsapp, texts and personal emails when I want to, which is not all the time. And it seems to me that many other people respond to everything as it comes in.
I disable all notifications because I don’t want to be distracted from the task or activity at hand. This includes Instagram, Facebook is off my phone, and of course, Whatsapp, texts and email.
I don’t even keep the ringer on my phone on unless I expect a call, like if I’m expecting a delivery at home or a client to arrive. My Fitbit Flex2 vibrates when there’s an incoming call and yes, I do think about whether I want to answer or not 🙂
In South Africa, most people pay much more for texts than they do for Whatsapp, so 99.9% of people use whatsapp over texts. I get 300 texts free on my phone plan and so I try texting as much as possible. However, I never expect people to respond quickly unless something is truly urgent, e.g. we’re meeting and you’re going to be late, or we’re meeting and the restaurant has closed (this has happened far too many times!) Interestingly, my nanny doesn’t get free texts so I text, she responds on Whatsapp, and so we go on our merry way 🙂
I find typing on a smart phone very cumbersome so my preference is to never do it 🙂 but when I do, I prefer short messages.
I love Whatsapp for groups. We have a book club group, a Bible reading group and one of my kids’ teachers has set up a group for their class notices. What I don’t love about Whatsapp is that feeling of being checked up on with the ticks going blue (this is something I only found out about in the last couple of months!). I then added a note to my profile saying I only check Whatsapp once a day, and to call if something is urgent.
On another note, I sometimes have friends email me to say “I sent you messages on Whatsapp but I see you haven’t read them” 🙂
That’s correct. I check my phone quickly once I arrive at work as an hour has elapsed… and then my phone goes back in my bag 🙂
On another note, I have in the past responded quickly to a message, and the friend was upset that my response wasn’t considered enough…that is exactly why I like to wait and take my time, and why I can’t respond when I’m at work. I will often think, “do people actually work at work?” Maybe I’m old-school but I don’t feel it fair to my employer to be on my phone when I’m supposed to be working 🙂
With email, I read them morning, noon and night but I only respond when I’m at a real keyboard so that I know I can type a proper response.
How the Four Tendencies plays into all of this technology
The Four Tendencies talks to how we respond to expectations, both inner and outer, which is perfect for this discussion.
Obligers
I asked Sarah in the instagram post if she was an Obliger since she felt pressure to respond to messages. She clarified that once she understood that texts didn’t necessarily mean she had to respond quickly and could treat them as email, they were now on her agenda and, as an Upholder, she’s much happier since. Awesome.
If you’re an Obliger, my guess is you’re the one quickly responding to texts/ whatsapps/ emails, etc.
Upholders
As I explained in way too many words above and in the previous post, I decided what role technology plays in my life (inner expectations), have told all friends/ family/ clients (outer expectations) and so I manage it all very nicely (in my view).
Upholders need clarity about a situation (usually inner) and then they’re good at following through.
Questioners
Questioners respond to inner and outer expectations as long as it makes sense for them to do so.
I would imagine that if a Questioner had to set up their technology boundaries, there would be a lot of why and who said so in their reasoning.
I checked my thinking with a Questioner colleague and she pretty much confirmed that she has (internal) rules for all technology and basically questions everything. Who said I need to respond to text messages? So she never responds to texts (that was news to me so I won’t be texting her :)) She doesn’t think Facebook is useful so has a profile but never goes there and loves Instagram for a few reasons so uses that extensively. She loves an empty inbox so works hard to keep it manageable all the time.
Rebels
Rebels reject both inner and outer expectations. I know they don’t like anyone or anything to be the boss of them, so they need to decide how they identify and then they will do accordingly.
Amanda, a Rebel, told me something interesting. Being good at her job is something she’s internalised so she’s great at email, keeping track of projects, and phone calls that are urgent. Please notice she decided this is who she is so it’s easy for her to manage.
I love what she told me about her personal life. She’s good at making meeting times, etc. Usually she plans to get back to emails and phone calls when she feels like it, but it takes a while, if ever, to feel like it. Brilliant! She feels like it more when the people are people she’s close to or care about. Again, she’s decided who the important people are, and those expectations she has no trouble meeting in a reasonable timeframe.
Thank you so much, Amanda, for emailing me.
And last but not least, there were some questions on the podcast:
Does a text imply urgency? (Well, as an Upholder leaning to Questioner, I do question if it actually is urgent first, but generally, it doesn’t imply urgency to me.)
Do you ever let your mind wander anymore? (I do, in my Barre180 class and when I go walking by myself or with the kids. When I shower, cook, clean or organise, I listen to podcasts and when I drive to work, I listen to audiobooks or podcasts)
Which social media fits your life best ( . . . or worst?) I love Instagram the most because it’s visual (I’m highly visual), I can say as little or as much as I want. I also find it to be a very positive environment.
Where is your mental white space? I like to think that I’ve designed a life where I have enough mental white space in my regular life. I only ever feel overwhelmed about once or twice a year, and that’s usually during very busy times at work.
Tell me what you think.
