Things I learned by 50

I’m 50; 10 things I’ve learned about goals

This is part 4 of the Things I’ve learned by 50 series.

And now, for my favourite – the one about goals. I realised that I could write 50 things on goals and 50 things on time but let’s focus in on just 10.

The principles always work if you work the principles. This sounds hella boring but it’s so true. Even when things are going down the tube (cancer diagnosis, etc.), I’ve realised that the principles still work.
Write down your goals. This provides clarity, a sense of purpose and a reminder on what your goals actually are.
Look at your goals regularly – daily (if you like – this is too frequent for me), weekly, monthly, quarterly, half-yearly – and monitor your progress. At this point, you’re also allowed to evaluate if that goal is still serving you.
Once-off quick goals also serve their purpose for building momentum. E.g. organise your bedside table drawer. Suddenly you feel like you can tackle the whole bedroom’s 10 spaces.
Know your why. If you don’t align your goals with your own values, you won’t want to work at them.

It’s also good to have some projects to make progress on your regular habits (e.g. exercise twice a week, write every week, read a book every week)
Focus on the journey, not on the outcome. James Clear talks very nicely about this piece in Atomic Habits; the gist is this: if you control the things you can do (building the regular writing habit), then you will have a book at the end of x years or y months. Saying I want to write a book is lovely but more unattainable than saying, I will write for an hour, five days a week.
You will have obstacles. There is nothing wrong with you if you encounter stumbling blocks; this is all part of setting and achieving goals. Figure out how to go around/ over them.
Figure out how to make your goals work for you by using your personality or your Tendency. E.g. An upholder likes a schedule. Something on the schedule will almost always get done (my Saturday morning gym routine that I never miss unless sick or out of the city) An obliger likes accountability – if the obliger meets a friend at the exercise class twice a week, she will probably always pitch up.
Stop to celebrate your successes, even if small. This is where the monthly review is so valuable. It will provide motivation to keep on going.

Tell me your learnings about goals. What has worked for you; what doesn’t work for you that might work for others? Do you know your Tendency and how that has played into your goal-setting?

I’m 50; 10 things I’ve learned about social media

This is part 3 of my Things I learned by 50 series.

Part 1 – time

Part 2 – organising

Pongwe, Zanzibar

Don’t go on social media on “special” days like Christmas, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, etc. Trust me.
Be generous with liking your friends’ posts; it doesn’t cost you a thing to like someone’s post but it does mean that they see that you’ve seen their posts.
In the same vein, do leave comments, not only on friends’ posts but on anyone’s posts. I try to be generous and giving with comments if I have time and I know that it certainly brightens up authors’ days (they have sent me DMs to indicate same).
Contribute first and then consume. You will feel better by contributing to the conversation or beauty of a platform before simply scrolling.
Give yourself a daily (healthy) limit. I have a limit which I often break but at least I know that I’m then intentionally breaking my limit. This is easy to set up if you have an iphone.
If you’re zoning out on a particular platform, ask yourself, “what am I avoiding?” It could be an easy answer like “doing the laundry” but it could also be enlightening like “I’m avoiding having a difficult conversaion” or “I’m procrastinating on x piece of work because of y”.

Post about things that delight you, not what looks good on your grid (unless this is truly sparking joy for you). I’d started to feel at the end of last year that I should only post certain types of content and I made a goal to post delightful things to me this year. My version of delight is probably different to yours, and that’s okay. Sometimes you might need to take a complete break for awhile if the whole thing feels draining and no longer brings you joy.
Remember that you can’t see or hear tone or body language on social media; hold everything loosely and don’t read into things that may not be there.
Some people are really just living their lives; they are not posting AT you, they are just posting. This can feel hard when, for example, you see groups of friends having fun and you feel disconnected and lonely, or if you see people on beautiful holidays to Europe when you can’t even take a driving holiday two hours away. See 7 above – perhaps take a break for a week and see how you feel when you come back.
Always assume positive intent. Look, there are people whose sole mission in life is to stir but this is not most people. Block or mute those people if you’re not ableto handle it. Then you can assume positive intent for the rest.
Bonus – Does this content spark joy? You control your algorithm. If you don’t want to see gossip and strife, stop reading those posts and engaging with them (liking/ commenting/ sharing). My one account (organisingqueen) is very carefully curated to only be about organising, time management, goals, homes and reasonable tips. If I see other things creeping in, I become hyper aware and unfollow/ mark as “irrelevant”, etc. My marcia0608 account is a mishmash of friends, travel, gorgeous photography and should be pure delight. I mute or unfollow accounts if the content feels like it’s not meeting what I want that account to be.